Bedtime & Me Time

I deep breathe myself into a calm and relaxed state before bed.  It's something I've been focusing more on this week to try reverse insomnia.  I was visiting family last week and discussed with my sister not being able to sleep.  At that time I resolved to get into a bedtime routine.

1- My kids also don't sleep enough.
2- I've got a kindergartner on my hands starting Monday, I need her to wake up rested and happy.
3- I feel I need a chance to wind down before getting in bed and lights out.

My kids usually hang out around me, on top of me or very close by until they drift off and go to sleep, then they magically appear in their beds, heehee. I can't wait for them to figure out that the magic is mommy carrying them to bed.  Then again, if I stay on this course maybe they won't need to appear in their beds.  Monday night was the first night of really sticking to the routine, on my part.  The kids listened but with hesitancy.  Last night was awesome.  Dinner, free time, park or reading, bath, brush teeth, song/prayers, bed.  My oldest longs for the structure and is settling into this very gracefully.  My second is not about this at all.  She longs for touching and holding and sleeping on me every night.  But she sleeps in her toddler bed in my room so I tuck her in then start folding laundry or tidying up so she sees me.  Three nights in a row she has fallen asleep by or before 9:00 pm!  That's a 2-3 hour difference from usual!  I think my sister helped them cause she tucked them in on our visit and just kept sending them back to bed if they got up.  They aren't fighting it as much as times past when I tried to implement a bed time.

I have felt really good about doing this.  It's better for all of our health.  We're still working on the early rising time of, ahem, 7:00 am.  6:30 for me.  Today they actually were a bit groggy but soon were giggling and playing together.

For many this all might sound like a simple mommy discipline issue.  In part, but really anxiety and depression keep you from doing even the simplest of things.  I have often felt like a failure because one part of bed time went awry and it would literally unhinge me.  So many nights my husband and kids were asking me not to yell at everyone that I took it to the other extreme and didn't expect anything of anyone.

'Bed time' was non-existent.  My kids weren't falling asleep in a calm state, they would just chat and move or cry until they completely zoned out.  There was nothing peaceful about it.  The whole thing just sounded like cries for help.  But the thoughts in my mind were that if I tried I would just end up screaming and that would be worse than unrest.

Anxiety just lies to you, repeating one undesirable option, one possible outcome, over and over again until you believe it is the only thing, that it is truth.

Taking time to deep breathe purposefully each morning and night has really given me scope.  It also has become a calm time, if I am breathing and my kids need me, instead of yelling the girls have just come up and quietly said, "Mami."

So to recap, breathe, sleep, and believe that you can author new outcomes in your home.

Con mucho amor,
~Anna K. Morales

AnnaK Designs

Here's a fun new project I'm working on!

Be inspired, then inspire!

Con mucho amor,

~Anna K. Morales

Mandalas, Children, Immigration, and Answers

This post will feel a bit scrambled, but that is how I feel most of the time. :)

When do you feel you receive revelation or insight into your own life?

I feel so much joy and peace over the insights I've had today.  Yes, I said JOY!  I haven't felt that for a while.

A friend of mine posted the call for someone to paint a large Mandala on their wall at The Loft.  I automatically felt drawn to the project and began doodling.  I doodled 6 different ideas in two days.  I love art, so liberating.  I could get lost in creating these beautiful circles, they are like your soul is pouring itself out on paper.

mandala by: Kristen Hinz

I've been breathing deeply as I doodle and meditating on the motion of my designs.  I guess I've just felt grounded by them.

Today I saw a question posted by a peer in a discussion forum I participate in.  She asked if anyone could relate to the shame talk and guilt she felt over a decision to work while she still has young kids.  I answered out of intuition and ended up with some revealing advice to myself about my children and the daily struggles I have with mothering them.  Here's my response to her-

I am learning this: Your children won't be children forever. But not in the way you might think. My children need to know two things- Mommy and Daddy love them and Heavenly Parents love them. There is a multitude of ways to learn that. Your children are going to grow up and follow their own path. At the end, I believe that we will be asked if we learned to love them no matter what and if we learned to love ourselves, as God does. That means, did you develop yourself as a Goddess? Or do we simply bury our talents while we raise children? There is a multitude of ways to do this as well, but I don't want to digress. Yes, I have felt the sting of shame talk, whether generated by my overactive imagination or guided by cultural undertones, that shame can feel so real. But it isn't who you are. Your children will learn so much from you when you love them and are true to who you are. Part of who you are may be developed or emphasized through work. I am much more patient with my kids when I am working. Something about spending time problem solving in adult settings makes it easier to break that down for them at home. 

I seriously get so caught up in meeting my own standard of parenthood, doing everything "by the book" to ensure that my kids are compassionate, strong-willed, intelligent, seekers of good, etc. 

***News Flash***

There is no book to go by.  I responded to her and then sat re-reading the response and realized that I may be getting in my own way.  Sometimes my kids probably don't know that I love them when I'm a hot mess because I didn't discipline as I 'should have' or when I get mad at myself for spending time drawing a mandala instead of making dinner.  The rage/anger/anxiety that flows from me when I didn't do what I 'should have' done is palpable and I'm sure pushes sentiments of love out the window.  Do my kids starve? No.  Did we eat dinner late? Yes.  

I want to allow the peace and calm I felt while drawing exude any other feeling.  My kids want to know why I spent time doing that if I was just going to be angry afterward.  The next day while I drew, I got them paper too.  Sofia stayed and drew a story.  When she was hungry, she let me know and we both put down our pencils and ate something.  So I learned something, I could allow my joys, talents, and hobbies describe me organically rather than feel shame because I don't fit the perceived mold for moms.  I could be true to myself and still be a good mom. 

Huh, go figure.

In other news, we have an appointment Saturday to review our 601A application with our Consultant before submitting again. I could be taking time to finalize all the last details, but I decided that the true me needed to outlet on social media and on my blog.  

Be true to you- you, your family, and society depend on it.

Con mucho amor,

~Anna K. Morales