This week I had a profound awakening about thought. You see, with the depression I have been experiencing, I often think very rudely of myself. I don't know that I have been extremely conscious of it, but all of that is now changing.
I started counseling and my therapist said, "You know you aren't your thoughts, right? Thoughts come and go they aren't who you are."
Wow! In the words of this media generation, "MIND BLOWN!" I am having to change my entire paradigm about who I am, my character. I was able to pin my belief system about thought to a quote,
"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your Destiny."
-Accredited to so many people I am unsure who it originated from
Now, this may not seem like it leads in the wrong direction, especially after I think about thought differently. But to me this did not imply anything other than that my thoughts are MINE. Or, in other words, that I create and control them. My sister instructed me to label my thoughts as, "That's a thought." not my thought, but A thought. I hope I am not the only one that sees this as amazing.
My husband also shared with me the phrase, "If you have a good idea, pursue it." Indicating that we must follow good thoughts, act on good thoughts. That is when we began to discuss garnishing thoughts.
The link above leads to a scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 121:45 that says, "...let virtue garnish your thoughts unceasingly..." we have decided that means to make them more beautiful. My mom also found a definition I like, decorate or embellish. So when a good thought enters my mind and I want to pursue it, I will most likely embellish it by entertaining it, magnifying it and exploring the options. But I have found that I constantly embellish thoughts showing cruelty to myself, or labeling myself as a failure with the connotation that failing is the WORST thing in existence.
This week has been a bloodbath that started with believing a thought. I believed it because I entertained it often and made it my reality. And so with this new perspective, a battle is ensue. It is hard and exhausting but I also found hope because of an article (among other things).
I encourage you to read Satan's Hidden Arsenal Against Women. If you have depression, it is so helpful. If you don't have depression, it may help you understand that it is a real battle. the authors offered me this one hope- I can choose light! I can constantly return to light. I am going to end with a quote from this article.
"We can always choose. Depression may be weighing us down with a ton of dark matter, but we can still choose to stand up and go live our lives....Indeed, the truth is that many of us cannot choose to stop being depressed. Depression will haunt us our entire lives, rearing its ugly head over and over again. So, no, we don't have that choice. That is the truth that Satan uses to wrap this destructive lie in: that we cannot choose our reaction to depression. And if we believe that lie, he has us. We will turn towards the darkness and sink further and further into it. Satan knows that agency is one of our greatest gifts, and the only thing that will allow us to progress and become stronger. He will do everything he can to everyone he can to make them feel like they cannot choose. With conscientious and strong women, depression is the tool he uses to make us feel powerless. And that powerlessness is always a lie. Never choose darkness. Fight it with everything you have."
Con mucho amor,
~Anna K. Morales
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