The Radio is Always ON

I learned a new term today, mind chatter.  It has been stirring in my mind since I left my therapy session.  We were talking about getting out of the worry rut, acting once we recognize the possibility of falling into a sink hole.  I asked, "So what do you do when you go out to, say, exercise?  How do you keep the thoughts at bay?  I could be teaching a new choreography and spouting out instruction all the while having a back conversation in my mind."

This my friends, is called mind chatter, or like a radio is on 24/7.  So the problem is that I have been paying a lot of attention to the voices of the radio lately.  Lately?  Maybe I've become more and more attentive as years have passed.  The good thing is that now I am recognizing that it doesn't just play my voice.  But how did I even get to the point of losing me in the false advertising and shame game show?

I am developing a theory, or is a hypothesis? ;)

Here's where the lately comes in. Lately, I have had extremely harmful thoughts enter my mind of their own accord.  Luckily, I noticed how harmful their potential was if acted upon.  The more I have dissected my therapy sessions, and the time leading up to getting therapy, I have seen these thoughts present for a while.  So why didn't I do something about it earlier?  Why had I not labeled the thoughts as invaders?

Commonplace.

Do you listen to music a lot? In your car, from your devices? Watch movies, T.V.? Scroll through online media?  What happens when you turn it off?  Sometimes I still hear the last song echo in my mind, or see the light of the screen when I close my eyes.  When I first learned to drive turning on music was a No-no.  It would be a distraction that created higher probability of poor judgment while handling a vehicle. Now, the radio is on, oh AC needs adjusted, phone call, GPS, check for cars, is my mirror crooked (children), etc.  Wow, that is a lot going on in a moving vehicle, did the probability for harm lessen?  No.  But slowly overtime, each of those things became commonplace.  Second-nature.

Satan is working hard to do the same thing with my mind.  It wasn't always so invasive.  But I believe that little by little he's adding flaxen cords.



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The harmful thoughts that have entered my mind most likely started as something third party.  Something that wasn't tangible or even "thinkable" to be part of my life.  Just a very sad something that had happened to other people, something I couldn't fathom.

Just like the radio, the cell phone, and the online media, those passive thoughts became common.  Common enough that I started paying attention and then forgot that they weren't generated by me.  They never felt like me, never made my soul ring, and the first time the thought was so vivid that it became actively first person, I cried.  I cried because the weight of it's intention was too heavy for my soul.  That's when I got help. 

There is someone who needs to hear me speak about this.  Why am I having glimpses of horrible that other people deal with always? I don't know, but the falsity has been too real lately and I am a Warrior, I will not continue to allow the voices of evil be the only ones heard.  Never stop fighting, never lose touch with your soul, with what you really have to say. It's your talk show, be heard.

Con mucho amor,

~Anna K. Morales